Uneasy

This is a question that I routinely ask myself yet that has never stopped me from hating it any less. I do not sit well with the murky gray area of the unknown. The most disturbing part for me being that I don't know if I will ever be able to differentiate what’s real and what’s fake? Are my actions the result of my outside influences or are they a result of my own personal free will? This not only has to do with media's increasing presence in society but also how I am affected by the relationships I build with everyone around me. Did I really want to buy those cute pumps from Steve Madden because I genuinely liked them a lot or because there were Steve Madden ads placed on every website page I visited or because all my friends told me they were a bargain and I looked cute in them? What's the real answer? Everything eventually is so intertwined that the truth is lost. Moving on to this new digital age can also have damaging psychological effects on the mental well-being of a person. It replaces quality time spent focusing on human connections. Whether that means face-to-face contact with close friends and family members or being in sync with oneself; it helps keep a person grounded in their inner self.

It bothers me that there is no tangible way of knowing; it's not a math calculation where you can say 1 + 1 equals 2. However, I’ll start with basic facts that I do know: my name. My name is Michele Tram. I am 19 years old and I attend Hunter College. (Oddly enough growing up, more people have taken a liking to my last name than my first. I also get slightly annoyed sometimes when people don't spell my name right after telling them repeatedly that I only have one L.) I am a planner at heart and I am one of those people who like to make 5 year, heck even 10 year trajectory plans on what I foresee my life being in the future. I am a junior, double majoring in Hunter College in Media Studies: Journalism and English Studies: Language, Art, and Criticism. I am very much still deciding which field within media to pursue but so far I have narrowed it down to either being a journalist or a public relations publicist. The common theme for both careers is that I love working with people; everyone comes from a different background and has a different story to tell. On my downtime, I enjoy writing screenplays, attending plays, seeing midnight film screenings and going to art galleries. I love art and all the healing effects it can have. It's a non-judgmental zone where anyone can express themselves where everything is open to a variety of interpretations. It's the only place where I am okay with the unknown; it's a beautiful unknown.

* Here's a lecture that I find very inspiring: Charlie Kaufman: Screenwriting Lecture (even if you're not an aspiring screenwriter). I tried to find the Youtube video version of this that I saw several months ago but it's not there anymore. This is a long podcast but it is worth listening to!